TANYA

Tanya had tried every religion, every fad, every diet. She worshipped at shrines, with gurus, even with goddesses. She found her mediums, her avatars and her psychic healers. She communicated with the living and the dead. She claimed God spoke to her in the bathtub and told her to lose twenty pounds. One day she said aloud she had no religion and she found God.

A TEENAGER

A teenager walked into a church and a heavy woman told him she was his wife "in the spirit." She is twice his age and they married. But Time found out that it was his flesh she was after and he ran after her daughter from another man who was more compatible with his age, and they became one flesh.

SOCIETY

Ann always read the Society Pages and hoped to be a debutante and be invested to cotillion. Poor and having a minor mustache, she was never asked, but dressed up as a drag king and met a Sapphic woman named Saki. Saki and Ann made the Society Pages.

ROGER

Roger wanted to be a poet. He studied, read the dictionary, took creative writers courses, corresponded with Pulitzer Prize poets but couldn't write a single line. Then he tried prose with the same quest and results. He blamed his failure on handwriting and penmanship.

SCHOOL

She had ambidextrous, double-jointed, horizontally and genetically vertically impaired children. At least that's what the school board told her. But if her children took up self-esteem as their major they would be normal children. All they need do for homework is repeat "I am somebody." They had to make posters of the same. But the more they looked at them and repeated the slogan the less good they felt and wound up killing their mother. The defense at their trail blamed it on a youthful lack of empowerment and were not guilty. On the contrary, they were put into an honors program but had to perform community service after school.

DEAN

Dean felt he was descended from royalty and found his coat of arms, his tree, his heraldry colors, but they all added up to his being the Antichrist, and when he got his new phone and the number started with 666 he was ready to give up until it matched with his license plate and social security card. He decided to see his minister who dismissed him as a fraud.

BOB

Bob was a rock star. It was his dream coming true. He was punk and called that too especially by his parents. They even came to his rock concerts and passed out his real life history which only enhanced his fame to his fans. His parents fell into a mosh pit and were crushed. Bob wrote a rock song about it and won the grammy.

JOANNE

Joanne collects the tickets at your town multiplex movie house but is so lazy she discourages you from seeing the movie. One night no one entered any of the seven theaters and the managers were concerned. They spied on her that night. "Oh, that's an awful movie, rated G, and the seats have bad backs, and there is gum on the floor and the students do dirty things and we find condoms the next day." They decided to fire her on the spot until they realized she was right in her criticism and promoted her to manager, but she declined. She said selling tickers was quite enough for her.

JOE

Joe went AWOL. He couldn't take army life or combat. But he had to do something, so he joined a militia group. He began to argue, however, with the militant leader and opponent of the government, and ended up shooting him dead. His army record rewarded him with a promotion and even though he had to go to the brig his army service has been noted approvingly. He even had been decorated by many fraternal groups. The militia has been disbanded as well.

ROBERT

Robert wanted a sex change to become Roberta. His wife only wanted to know if Roberta would be a lesbian if the surgery took place, and out of fear and unknown to her husband she also had surgery, to become male. The doctor assured her she was normal and had always really been a man.

BILL

Bill was a veteran of several wars. He had flashbacks, and one night killed his dogs. The family was warned. The next night he became xenophobic and went armed into Chinatown. The third night he started to take drugs and seek out prostitutes in brothels. Upon his arrest he said, "War is Hell," and cried like a baby.